From Being a ‘Good Girl’ to Becoming My Own Woman

Baby Prachi says Hi!

Present-day Prachi says Hi but with swag!

                                                    

When I was younger, Women’s Day barely registered. It was just another date on the calendar. No excitement, no reflection. Honestly, I didn’t think it would ever matter to me. Maybe that’s because I didn’t see myself as part of the story yet. I wasn’t really a woman, just someone who would grow into one someday.

Now, in my mid-twenties (well, technically I’m 24, so one more year to go, ahahahaha), the day feels different. It’s not about celebration, flowers, or hashtags. It’s about reflection. About taking a moment to think about how much I’ve changed, and how my idea of what it means to be a woman has shifted over time.

Growing up, being a “good woman” seemed simple. Polite, responsible, respectful, never rocking the boat, never disappointing anyone. Being good meant studying hard, listening to your parents, being kind, and doing household chores. Yes, chores. If you weren’t good at those, how could you ever be a proper woman? A good woman didn’t drink, wasn’t outspoken, just nodded along. And, of course, she had to be beautiful. I heard it many times from my extended relatives: “If my daughter isn’t going to become a beautiful lady, I hope God never blesses us with a daughter.” I mean, harsh, right? Luckily, my immediate family has always been loving and supportive, but even hearing it from others left its mark. And yes, I tried. Sometimes I passed, sometimes I failed.

Then came my early twenties. That’s when things started to shift. I began questioning some of these “rules.” How could speaking my mind politely make me a bad woman? Why couldn’t I disagree, even respectfully, just because I am a woman?

And then everything really changed when I moved to Singapore for my master’s at NUS. It was the first time I was stepping into a new chapter completely on my own. Exciting, yes. Terrifying, absolutely!

While venturing into this new phase, I also encountered old ideas I hadn’t questioned before: some people thought women shouldn’t pursue too much education, as it might affect their “future prospects.” Wait, what? I mean, seriously? Why is a woman’s value still measured by how she fits into someone else’s life? Why should education, ambition, or personal growth ever count against her? I still remember how my immediate family stood by me and dismissed all these notions. And I remember the lines I couldn’t understand at the time: “If you educate your daughter too much, she won’t even know how to cook, and her future domestic or marital life will be doomed.” Like…really? Isn’t cooking a life skill that both genders should know? Why is a woman still measured by how many chapatis she can make?

And yes, I do know how to cook...because life skills aren’t gendered, right?

Meeting people in Singapore opened my eyes. I saw women- truly good at heart, who were outspoken yet kind, ambitious yet respectful. Women who drank socially but carried themselves with integrity. Women who didn’t meet society’s beauty standards yet radiated confidence and charm. Women living life on their own terms. For months, I was fascinated but also confused. I wanted to be like them, but I was scared of losing the good woman badge I had clung to for so long.

Then came a personal encounter that really shook everything up. It had only been a year, but I was still trying to be the good woman- agreeable, accommodating, always meeting expectations. Even when the person I cared about encouraged this behavior, I felt… trapped. Like I was shrinking myself to fit someone else’s idea of who I should be. And then one day, it clicked. I let go. I finally shed that cage. And wow, I felt alive. I mean, for real, my chest felt lighter, my heart felt fuller, and the world felt bigger. 

Some questioned my choices, saying I was too ambitious or outspoken. I doubted myself at first, wondering if it was selfish to prioritize my own growth. But then I realized no. It’s not selfish. It’s not inconsiderate. Wanting to grow, chase your goals, and live fully does not make anyone bad. Even if it did, I have only one life, and I have the right to live it the way I want.

Over time, I realized that the problem was never these women, or even that moment of challenge. The problem was the definition I had carried in my head for years. Being a good woman doesn’t mean being quiet, agreeable, or constantly seeking approval. It means being kind without losing yourself, being confident without arrogance, being respectful while keeping your voice. The women I saw in Singapore were showing me something completely different. They respected others, but they also respected themselves.

At 24, if someone asks me the definition of a good woman, I honestly don’t have one. But here’s what I do know. She questions. She grows. She makes mistakes. She learns. She is honest with herself and unapologetic about it. Maybe it’s not even about being good or bad. Maybe it’s just about feeling free, living fully, and being proud of your life.

To all the women who have touched my life, thank you. It’s all of you, in little ways or big, who helped shape the woman I am today. Colleagues, friends, family, even friends of friends- you matter, and I am grateful.

To the young women out there: never shrink yourself. Be polite, respectful, and kind, but never compromise your identity. Speak, act, dream. Live fully, because the world needs the woman only you can be.

Yes! You can be highly educated and still be a good woman (rather I should say 'A good person' because that matters!)...no matter what anyone says!

Yes! You can explore the world, follow your curiosity, and remain humble and kind....despite the whispers that you might be “spoilt” or “too much.” 

Yes! You can be ambitious, professional, and unapologetically yourself and still be genuine, loving, and respected

You can be whatever you want!